Getting ready for Thanksgiving...

Here at the Casa del Nelson/Doench, we are getting ready for another Thanksgiving celebration. With Turkey ala Lou and Pie ala Naomi and a special visit from the Schmoo's Grandaddy Tom. An intimate gathering to say the least. We wish all of you out there a happy and healthy Turkey Day, especially all our boys and girls overseas valiantly fighting to protect our fr.... err... make the world saf.... errr... ummm what was the point of sending our boys and girls over seas again?

The first miraculous ultrasound picture of the developing Schmoo.

The Schmoo is obviously not as excited about this event as we we're.

Pictures of the Schmoo

The Naming of the Schmoo

Ever since we decided to get married (which we did do in 2003, May 25th in fact), we have been kicking around baby names. Many were considered and discarded, mostly the ones Lou suggested when he had too much Bushmill's in him (Benedict, Rapunzel, Fido?)

Eventually we became convinced that Lou really ought to sober up before making a decision that would effect whether our child would get beat up a lot or just a little once he/she/it got to high school. So after much deliberation two names have been chosen.

Note, we have decided to wait until the Schmoo is actually required to have a Social Security Number before finding out he/she/it's gender, therefore there are two sets of names.

If the Schmoo is a cute darling little girl, we will immediately alert the hospital authorities that they have obviously made an egregious error. Our little girl must be the one projectile vomiting and hitting on the interns... Abigail Ellen.

If he/she/it is a boy, then we shall name him.... Linus Anthony! According to Babynames.com
(http://www.babynames.com/V5/) Linus is latin in origin meaning "flaxen colored".
If the Schmoo comes out "flaxen colored", we're sending it back and asking for a refund.

On to specifics....

The "Schmoo", as we affectionately call our impending little bundle of poop, and joy... and most likely more poop, was concieved sometime in the spring of 2004 after desperately trying, toiling and waiting what seemed like 15.... minutes or so .

Really, you read stories about couples striving for years, spending thousands on fertility treatments, sacrificing animals to pagan idols, etc. All in order to experience the dubious blessing of pregnancy, childbirth, and the joys of living with a teenager.

Not us. We waited one month after stopping the pill and BOOM, we were knocked up.

Using advanced mathematical projections, the good folks at Midwives Care Inc. of Cincinnati ( http://www.midwivescare.com/) have determined the Schmoo's Due Date to be around March 1st, 2005. Which makes him/her a Pisces, incase anybody cares.

Welcome to the "Tales of the Schmoo" Blog!

Welcome to "Tales of the Scmoo", the ongoing coverage of the attempt by Louis Doench and Naomi Nelson of Cincinnati Ohio to combine their our genetic material, create an "embryo", gestate it to term inside a living human female, in this case Ms. Nelson herself (it was cheaper that way), have it delivered by competant medical professionals with out the use of anaesthetic or surgery, and raise it in the hopes of it someday providing for a moderately priced retirement home.

Sounds crazy doesn't it?

Yet we're told it happens quite often and in most cases without complication, even in countries not blessed with running water or cable tv, let alone free socialized health care, free higher education, and complete retirement pensions.

Oops... Forgot we're not in Europe again...